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Dark Jester
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PostSubject: Commercialism   Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:53 am

Commercialism

Two morons sit in their car at a Sonic Drive In, arguing over how many letters there are in the alphabet. Meanwhile, Barbie (born in 1959 yet hasnít aged a day, talk about plastic surgery) walks down the street with her new puppy that poops out little brown pellets while a train of little girls gleefully pick up the defecation and replace it into the dogís mouth. Sheíll be forgotten in a month when her new clone arrives with some new reason for the little girls to chase after her.

Pills pills pills! You want this pill donítcha you bastard! Your life is miserable without this pill! Whatcha got? Tired? Lonely? Do you get heartburn from eating spicy food? Donít stop doing the things you shouldnít be doing, just take this pill instead and nuke that burrito straight to hell! No we donít remove your headache; we just move the pain to your back, your abdomen, your stomach. Donít forget the ďunpleasant tasteĒ. We donít even know what that means, but you still need this pill! Who needs a prescription? Weíre selling legal drugs here!

Donít smoke pot. Smoking pot causes your body to become a deflated balloon. Donít forget the fact that all your friends will leave you. Oh yeah, your dog will also hate you and your body will become compressed like a tin-can in a crusher due to all the peer pressure to smoke pot just to make yourself look cool. Youíll also be helping to have a white, middle-class family murdered due to the fact that they got in the way of a drug cartel! Donít ask us how, itís just true damn it! This shouldnít stop you from drinking though! Go out and grab a beer from the Silver Bullet train. Have a rocking party and get arrested for getting in a brawl with your best friend! Or even better, grab a couple cases of Budweiser, break into a brand new home thatís on the market, and vandalize it in a drunken frenzy! Itís fun! Almost as fun as running over stop signs and t-boning other vehicles in four-way intersections! Pot is the devil and beer is a god. Just remember: drink responsibly.

Need insurance? Talk to the lizard! The caveman, that is. Progressive is so progressive that it feels the need to cram its insurance down your throat two times in a row. Fake families talk about how wonderful it is when all they really want is a check. But if insurance isnít your deal, how about your cell phone? Text some random code to some random number and get all the funniest yoí mamma jokes straight to your cell! Or how about an obnoxious smiling smiley ball to bounce around your screen? But wait! Act now and weíll throw in the most annoying computer animated frog youíve ever seen!

Youíre not sick of him just yet are you?
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